Does this mean I'm not a royalist?

This is a rather late rant on the Queen’s yacht issue. Education Secretary Michael Gove has suggested a yacht paid for by the taxpayer would be a suitable gift for the Queen to mark her Diamond Jubilee.  The estimated cost of this proposed yacht is £60 million. Since then the yacht plan has been backed by David Cameron though he suggested it be privately funded (I wonder if this was due to the initial public reaction rather than by choice). But the fact that someone like Michael Gove, with such an important job, someone with major influence over the education of the majority of British children could suggest such a ridiculous idea is scary. Maybe if he had just briefly thought it and then thought ‘nah that’s a stupid idea’ then that wouldn’t be so bad but he actually wrote the idea down! If I was Prime Minister I would fire him on the grounds of being a ‘stupid cunt’.

With this current economic climate how could anyone suggest such a ridiculous idea? It’s actually impossible to justify. You have to have no clue about the rest of society. I mean for fuck’s sake how do these stupid twats get into these positions? It can’t be based on their intelligence because, as I have already hinted at, I think they are stupid twats.

Some posh sinks which are probably less posh than the yachts sinks. FACT.

The Queen should buy her own fucking yacht anyway! But no, it looks like she is still getting a massive yacht. ‘But remember it is going to be privately funded so don’t worry’ I hear you cry. ‘Shut up you bellend’ I reply. This is still fucking stupid. Why don’t the private funders fund a school or a charity or some shit. Supposedly there are plans to make the yacht a place for students to participate in some sort of bollocksy ‘adventure training’. Sounds pretty wank to me. Foyles, the bookseller, is going to give £500 000 to help with books for a library on the yacht. A fucking library on a fucking yacht for fuck’s sake! The Queen doesn’t need a library just buy the bitch a kindle and couple of Amazon vouchers. Foyles should give their money to a couple of libraries being closed down by our fucking government. I mean howay man divent give free shit to the Queen for fuck's sake! What does she even do? People always go on about her bringing in money from increased tourism. But I’m sure most tourists don’t actually see her (that’s how she could make herself useful – she could stand in a room and people could queue up to take pictures of her and get shit signed). All that tourists interested in Ye Olde England shite actually see is the amazing buildings associated with her.  And there are plenty more families in England with a tradition of being provided for by the state they could go and look at instead. The Queen must have like the best state pension in the world! I wonder if she gets a heating allowance?

A photograph of the Queen

Some Better Ideas

What the Queen should do is make a speech. She needn’t worry because I have already written it for her and it’s very short so will not take up much of her time. Here it is:

‘I am very grateful for the proposed present of a yacht but One feels accepting this gift would be taking the piss. Instead One would love the companies operating in my Kingdom to pay all of their taxes and to just stop generally being greedy cunts. All those not co-operating will be tried for treason. God save our gracious me.’

The fastest public transport train in Ashington. FACT

Or we could name some more shit after her and that would be a cheap present. There is a place near my hometown called the QEII country park and this is already named after her. We could take her there, I’m sure she would love it. Instead of a yacht she could have a go on a sail boat or a canoe. Concession price is only £3 for the day! There is also a little train she could have a go of and there’s a Brewers Fayre if she fancied a nice meal and they have helium balloons so she could do a speech with a squeaky voice for a laugh. Ha it would be brilliant and I think I have captured it perfectly------->

 

Or maybe she should get her massive yacht and then auction it for charity. Otherwise she is deliberately not giving money to dying cancer–ridden children. She will be sitting on her boat thinking ‘I could sell this yacht and give the money to blind orphans with AIDS… actually fuck the blind orphans and their AIDS. It’s probably their own fault they are orphans and blind and have AIDS.’ Well fuck you. You Queeny bitch. And fuck all you stupid cunts giving her free stuff. And fuck all you twats for supporting this ridiculous family’s up-keep. Not you though grandma because you make lush gravy.

However, should you know or be the Queen then make sure you obtain your sail boat tickets from Newbiggin Sports and Community Centre, Woodhorn Road, Newbiggin by the Sea, Northumberland Telephone: 01670 817713 before going to the QEII to avoid unnecessary delays. Thank you.